HOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT – AND MAKE IT HAPPEN
The Reflect and Reset process
Between late September and mid-October, all three of my nieces and nephews have their birthdays.
Over a couple of weeks, there is a flurry of presents and parties and cake as I get the chance to celebrate with each of the kids. And then, about a month later, I celebrate my birthday (yes, I’m a Scorpio – I LOVE discovering patterns and solving puzzles!).
For me, I find that my birthday is an ideal time to reflect on what has happened over the last year – and then get clear about what I would love to achieve in the coming year. I think of it as time to reflect and reset.
You don’t need to wait for your birthday to go through a reflect and reset process of your own. You can really choose any time to do it, but a time or place where there is a beginning and/or ending works really well. It could be the start/end of a month, a quarter, a season or a year. Or it might be the start or end of a job, relationship, living arrangement, etc.
As the name suggests, there are two main parts to the reflect and reset process.
1. The First step – Reflect
The reflect phase starts with remembering and acknowledging what you have experienced – both your achievements and the challenges. It’s so easy (especially for those of us who identify as high achievers) to always being looking ahead towards our next goal.
Spending some time reflecting on and acknowledging what we’ve been going through is helpful in two ways. Firstly, it allows us to celebrate our progress – the new things we’ve learned, the ways we’ve strengthened our skills and knowledge, and the opportunities we’ve had to experience joy, happiness and love. It also gives us an opportunity to recognise the challenges that we’ve gone through. All of the things that we weren’t expecting or that didn’t go the way we would have preferred them to. It’s amazing how simply acknowledging the truth of what happened and how we felt about it (instead of trying to ignore it or distract ourselves from it or jump to finding the silver lining too soon) makes such a difference.
2. The Second Step – Reset
After taking time to reflect, the second phase is the reset part of the process. By the end, you can expect to have a clear vision of what you want to achieve, and a clear action plan to get you there.
Of course, for the GPS to work correctly, you need to know both where you are now – and your destination.
There are two main problems that I commonly see come up when people start looking towards where they want to go. Sometimes, I’ll hear people say that they don’t know or they’re not sure what they really want. And sometimes I’ll hear people say that they do know what they want, and they already know what they should do to get there, “but I just keep getting in my own way.” It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me. 🙋🏻♀️🎶
If you resonate with either of those scenarios, here is something you can experiment with: What if …
A secret tip to figure out what you really want
I’ve outlined a few ways to play with the what if prompt. Try out one or two options that resonate with you, leave the ones that don’t.
+ What if I just don’t know what I really want?
What if … you did know what you really want? How would you feel, what would your posture be like, what kind of thoughts would be coming up – if you did know what you really want?
What if … I do know what I want – but I’m scared to admit what it is, even to myself? What would I need to do or what would I need to believe to feel safe enough to be honest with myself about what it is that I really want? What is one step that I could take now towards that?
What if … the truth is that I know deep down in my heart what I want – but I feel conflicted about it? What if there is a way to clear the conflicts that are coming up so that I can go after what I really want?
+ What if I’m always getting in my own way?
What if … it’s not true that I’m getting in my own way?
What if … there is a part of me that’s holding me back as an attempt to try and keep me safe? And what if there is a way to help that part of me to feel safe as I take action towards what I want?
What if … the things that I’m thinking, saying and doing (or not doing) that feels like they’re getting in the way are actually the way that my subconscious is guiding me forward along my path?
What next?
My recommendation is to take all the time you need to get clear on what it is that you (really) want. Because once you know where you want to go, it makes it possible to map out how you’re going to get there. It will make it easier to go through your to do list and cross off any items that aren’t aligned with where you’re going. You’ll notice that it will make it so much easier to stay motivated and keep up the momentum as you continue to take action towards your goals. And who doesn’t want it to feel easier to achieve your dreams!
Click here now to get a copy of my Reflect and Reset workbook (it’s free!) to guide you through each of the steps of the Reflect and Reset process in even more detail.
Bonus: when you find yourself getting stuck in perfectionism or procrastination, I offer some helpful tips here.